While living out my merry simple life, I and my dearest family, stumbled upon a troublesome trial. I felt like if I posted pictures about something random or fun, I would be ignoring a monumental experience that has changed me forever.
C-A-N-C-E-R. Cancer is something your friend's grandpa gets or your Uncle's second cousin... but not Me... not my family. If you are close enough to me that you folllow my blog, you are probably connected enough to know that my dad was recently diagonsed with malenoma... but keep reading because the story ends happy. Tuesday night, my family gathered around and my parents shared the news with us. Less than one week later, we were gathered again at the hospital as Dad underwent surgery to have the cancer removed and, even more importantly, to have his nearest lymph node biopsied to see if the cancer had spread. September 12th, 2011 shall go down among the happiest day of my life!!!! The doctor came out to tell us that the lymphnode was clear and the cancer had not spread.
That week between the cancer diagnosis and the surgery, I yo-yoed between immense panic that this would beat my dad and ruin my life...and... a convincing self-talk to "not worry because we don't know anything yet." We clung to out faith that God was good and he always does what is best for his children. .I feel like that week was a week of "grace upon grace." Even if things had ended badly, God would still be good. And he would have given us strength to face hard things. Sooo many ways I saw God working. I could write about the rescheduled surgery, the immense help from friends, the prayers of so many people... on and on the list could go... but really the entire experience impressed upon me that life is short and love is precious.
I've been reading Psalm ninety...
"Our days may come to seventy years, or eight if our strength endures..." Psalm 90:10
The passage goes on to talk about the danger of ignoring God and living foolishly. I am happy that at twenty-two I was challenged to confront the brevity of life. And I will admit, I was challenged to remember God and how I am supposed to live before him. I would challenge you to do the same thing. Be afraid of God. Be scared not to live up to what he expects you to be... but do more than that!!! Bathe yourself in his rich grace and forgiveness for your failure and live a life of gratitude for his great mercy!!!!
"Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12
A lot of things don't seem important anymore when a loved one's life is threatened. Now don't get me wrong, when I die, when my dad dies... life will only begin as we will go on to be with God forever... but, I want abundant, rich and meaningful life now!!!! Cancer taught me not to be so worried about keeping up appearances, keeping score, and holding back words of adoration and appreciation.
I kept thinking about Dad, about how much I loved him. He doesn't really like when people talk about how wonderful he is, but allow me a few moments to express the intense love I felt as I thought of the possibility of loosing him.
I kept thinking about this one pictures (grrr... I wish I could find it...). Its me and my dad on Christmas morning when I was about four. He's sitting in his bathrobe having a tea-party with me. He is looking at the camera, smiling, but I am babbling away pouring tea for him. To me, that snapshot captures my daddy...
Fast forward twelve years or so... I don't have a picture of this memory, but its as vivid as a photograph. My dad and me at the mall... shoe shopping. Yes, my mountain biker, black-belt dad took his teenage daughter shoe shopping. And when I go shoe shopping, I am VERY picky. We went to EVERY shoe store in the mall... and when I found the ones I wanted and thought they were too expensive... lol... he MADE me buy them.
One time I lost my temper and broke something... I didn't yell or scream or anything I was simply immensely frustrated at my siblings while I was working in the kitchen and I roughly turned on the faucet and broke it. I didn't know how to fix it, so I had to tell Dad. Never a more patient man... he took me to Home Depot and fixed it without a look or a word of displeasure. And then there was the time I backed into his old beat up pick up truck... and he made me buy a new panel. That wasn't funny at the time, but looking back I can see the old rusty thing falling apart on every side, except the one panel that I replaced. Shiny and black, brand new...
Lots of other memories I could talk about, but for some reason, these specific ones kept echoing through my mind that long week. I think they were so powerful cause they captured my daddy. My hero, having a tea party with me... taking me shoe shopping... caring about... me.
So, yet again my "Life is Simple" slogan rings true.When you're Dad has cancer, when he might be taken away from you... so many things aren't important any more. Life is a bunch of small simple moments that can be made meaningful by loving God and loving others. I think my Dad is good at that. I hope I can get better at that. Tell someone you love them and give 'em a reason for it, love with recklessness abandonment and follow God with fervor.
Dad and a few of his friends are biking across the country to raise awareness for skin cancer. Follow them on Facebook!!!!
Very good story, Katie! And very similar to mine :) Thanks for sharing it with me!
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